Ep.4: Unveiling Authenticity: Your Path to Genuine Self
Do you sometimes feel you're playing a role, adapting to what others expect rather than being your true self? This episode is your guide through the complexity of authenticity in a world crowded with ...
Episode Transcript
Why I Don't Script This Podcast
Welcome back to the Wisdom Practice Podcast. Up until a minute ago, I had no idea what I was even going to talk about today. I don't like scripting this podcast, I don't really like scripting anything. I like it to be authentic, because it's what I feel to be true, and the more I script something, the more my mind gets in the way and tries to make it logical, tries to make it perfect.
That led me to think this would be a really nice topic to discuss today: being authentic. That is what I'm trying to do when I'm recording, and it's also why it's taken me so long to record some of these past episodes, some have taken my entire day, because being authentic isn't something that's easy.
Even if there are aspects of your life where you can be truly authentic, whether it's with your friends, where you feel like you're you and you don't have to filter yourself, you don't have to do anything you wouldn't consider to be yourself, there will always be other aspects where that isn't as true, maybe when you're at work, maybe when you're with your parents or family. So being authentic is a lifelong journey, and just like expanding your comfort zone, there'll be some parts of life where it's really easy and natural, and you feel really good about it, and other aspects where it's like, why is this so difficult?
I think it's a really good topic to talk about, firstly to understand why that is, and also why being authentic is so important, why I think it's what the world really needs. We see the world through so many layers of thought, so many concepts.
Why the World Seems Less Colorful as We Grow Up
Have you ever heard someone say that when they're a kid, everything seems brighter? The colors are more vibrant, everything's bright, the sun's brighter, even the night sky is perfect. You hear that a lot, and people start to wonder why, when I'm older, it's like the entire world's been desaturated, the colors drained from everything. I hear that quite a lot, and it's always funny to me, because the reason is: when we're younger, we don't have so many concepts filtering our view. We see the world as, what is this, we need to know everything about everything. So when we see the world, we're seeing what's truly there.
When we get older and start to learn how to label things, how to think more logically, and we get told how the world works, we don't see things for what they truly are, we see things through our interpretation of them, through our lens of what it means to us. So you lose contact with life, you lose contact with the natural world, and I think a manifestation of that, which is really interesting, is that things literally start to lose color.
Even with me, when I was younger, I can remember a difference in how colorful the world was, and there are still points in my life now where things just seem more colorful, more vibrant, and other times where it's not so much. At least that's my interpretation of why that happens, I'm not sure if it's right, but it makes sense to me, maybe it resonates with you.
What Being Authentic Actually Means
So being authentic, traditionally, just means doing something for your own reasons, for you, not being pulled around by what the world wants from you, what other people want from you. Saying how you feel because it's your truth, simply that, there's no other reason you need. That's being authentic.
Authentic doesn't mean being confident all the time, being your best self all the time. It doesn't mean you have to be perfect, that your routines are on point and you never miss a day of working out or anything like that. Authentic just means you're true to what you're feeling, because your feeling is your truth at that point in time. Your mind tries to undermine, rearrange, or reframe how you feel, because maybe we don't like the way we feel. If you're angry, your mind will try to calm you down, try to reframe it, and that's completely fine. But your truth at that point is that you're feeling angry, or you're feeling sad.
There's a big teaching in becoming okay with how you feel, being okay with being authentic, and not letting what the world or society deems as right or good or bad affect that, not letting ourselves feel embarrassed or shy because it's not what others would want to see from us, or what society deems as professional.
The closer we can get to the world not filtering it through our conditioning, our beliefs, our concepts, our labeling, the more authentic, loosely speaking, life is. The closer we are to being and not thinking, and I feel like that's what we were doing when we were kids, just being in the moment and being happy with what's happening around us. We can learn so much from nature, kids, and animals, because if you look at a young kid, or even a baby, they're truly authentic. When they're sad they cry, when they're happy they laugh, they don't give a crap who's watching, they don't give a crap about waking their parents up at three or four in the morning. There's a part of that which is brilliant.
Learning to Let Energy Move Through You
I'm not saying we should express how we feel in an unhealthy way, everything needs balance. If we feel angry, we can't just start shouting, we can't be unhinged. On the other hand, being stoic isn't the answer either, holding on to our emotions and repressing them isn't healthy, whether it's the stereotype of a man being like a rock and no one being able to see how he feels. The only reason people release their emotions in unhealthy ways, whether it's anger or rage, is because we're just not used to dealing with our emotions. Something happens in our lives that creates a really big emotional charge, and we don't know how to release it properly.
Imagine you're driving in the dark, headlights on, and a deer runs into the road. You slam on the brakes, you freak out, and the deer normally stands there in shock, then goes on after you stop. If you sit in your car and watch, what it does is amazing: because it's had so much energy running through its body, all that adrenaline coursing through its veins, and it shakes, it shakes off all that built-up energy. Dogs do the same thing, pretty much all animals do, because they know that if they hold on to that energy it's not healthy. It's a subconscious part of being an animal, it knows it can't hold on to it.
What we do as humans is hold on to our emotions, because we don't feel safe to express them, whatever the reason, our parents, society, our friendship group. Over time we become less and less authentic, because we start to act through the filter of what we think others want from us, or want us to show up as. All that energy gets stored and stored over time, and the one thing about energy is it becomes stagnant, becomes dangerous in a way, energy has to move. So when there's so much emotional energy literally stored in the body, there's nowhere else for it to go, and this is where, over time, it starts to cause issues, starts to cause disease.
Learning how to healthily deal with that build-up is a really useful tool, and shaking is actually a natural way of doing it. This is why kids run around so much, they keep so much energy, they can't stay still, and parents find it a pain, why can't you just behave and stay still. But if you don't let your kid run around and dissipate energy, it becomes unhealthy, it turns into anxiety. Same with a dog kept on a leash the entire time, it builds up a lot of anxiety. It's a good thing to observe, so next time you see kids running around, maybe you'll have some more understanding for why they're doing that.
To make it practical: when you feel like there's a lot of charge, anxiety, frustration, a big one, and you don't know what to do with it, particularly if you haven't been taught, it's completely okay to go to a room quietly, no one's looking, put on some music, and pretend you're being tasered, just shake, like your body's gone into shock. You'll feel really weird, especially if you're doing it around people, so I don't recommend that, but I've done it myself. When you start, over time you'll start laughing, you'll start to feel calmer, because you're literally using that energy up in the form of physical movement. That's why the mind-body connection is so important, we have to move. It's already one of the best tools for that, so I won't get into the other ones right now.
Why We Learn to Hide Ourselves
In terms of being authentic, I want you to look at your life and ask yourself: when was I really me? When do I feel like I can truly be myself? Honestly, a lot of people may only feel safe being themselves when they're alone, and that's okay, there's nothing wrong with that, because there's an inherent fear that if someone doesn't agree with me, judges me, it's just something we've learned over time, we've learned to fit into a box because it's safer that way. And it's true, even in today's society, if you're really eccentric or out there, you're going to be marginalized, you may not get the same treatment or protection as everyone else.
So don't feel like you've made a mistake, it's something we have to unlearn, along with everything else, all our conditioning. Maybe find one or two things you can do, something you wanted to say to someone but didn't, your truth, and you were worried they wouldn't accept it or agree with you. Something small, it could be anything. Or things you wanted to do that you didn't do. Ask yourself, why didn't I do that thing, why didn't I say that thing? If you're truthful, honest, and forgiving with yourself, the answer may just be, I don't want to risk it, I don't want them to think of me this way, or I have a reputation to uphold. That's a big one, when people see you in a certain way, you want to stay consistent with that, live up to that expectation.
See if there's something on that list you can do, even if it's scary, because the trick to changing is uncomfortable action. Find something you'd at least be okay with trying, or building up the courage to try. This doesn't start with an expectation to wake up tomorrow and be perfect, or enlightened, or self-aware, with all your conditioning gone. Know that the purpose of this podcast isn't to fix things, isn't to say this is wrong with you and do this to yourself, that's not my intention, I hope it doesn't come across that way. It's to get you to question things you maybe haven't questioned before.
It may be a harsh reality to face, and that's a tricky thing about starting with self-awareness, because the more you look into it, the more you might get frustrated realizing, this isn't how I want to be, this isn't the way I want it, and I wasn't looking at it before, now that I am, all this stuff comes out and I don't know where to start. So you start with one thing, choose one thing you want to improve or change, not because it's right or wrong, simply because you have a desire to change it.
Tony Robbins's definition of happiness is progress, and I agree with it quite a lot. If you feel like you're progressing at something, even if you're not there yet, even if you're not at the finish line, the fact that you're taking steps toward it will feel amazing, and that will create more desire to change more and more, until suddenly you're looking at yourself and thinking, who is this person, in a good way, someone who doesn't react to the same things, doesn't get angry at the same things or the same people as before.
Being Authentic Is Free
The reason being authentic is so important is because it's easy once we overcome the resistance there. Things get difficult when we're trying to be something we're not, trying to fit in, and we have to think about it, exert ourselves more, put more energy into being a certain way, because that's how we think we should be. Being ourselves is free, and suddenly you have so much more energy to do the things you want to do, rather than using that energy fighting yourself, one part of you saying yes I want to do this, another part saying, but they'll think this, or this isn't okay, this isn't what I know myself to be.
I wanted to speak about being authentic not because it will fix you, not because it will make your life amazing, it's just more freeing. When you feel like you can be yourself, and I'm sure you've all felt this, life becomes easier, because you're not worried about what's going on around you, not constantly stressed about what someone is thinking or how you're coming across.
I'm sure you've experienced this when you come back from work, and it's just you at home, as soon as you open that door, walk in, and close it, it's like ten tons have been lifted from your shoulders, and you take a big deep breath and relax, because you can be you now. But again, there's a balance to everything, you have to find a healthy way of expressing yourself and decide for yourself if your expression is healthy, if it's authentic, if you're speaking the truth but doing it in a way that's considerate, compassionate. There's always a way.
If you find yourself with a lot of energy built up and you just want to shout, it might not be the best use of that energy, especially directed at someone, so just take a deep breath, step outside, shake it off, and then come back and speak to that person, speak your mind, say your truth. It's not easy, I know from experience it really isn't, to speak your truth, especially when you feel obliged to someone, or feel like they've done so much for you, or feel like you have to be a certain way with someone. It's a lifelong learning.
I hope this episode has at least opened up some thoughts or perspectives, so that next time it happens for you, you can be more aware of it, and you can decide for yourself if this is how you want to act, if this is how you want to express yourself, if this is true to you. That's being authentic.