Ep.2: Transforming Beliefs: The Power to Reshape Your Reality

Episode Transcript

What Beliefs Are and Why They Matter

Welcome back to the Wisdom Practice Podcast. In the last episode we went a little bit into what beliefs are, how they can shift your view of the world, how you see yourself, how you see the world, and ultimately affect the decisions you make throughout your entire life.

So I wanted to keep in that theme a little bit, because a big part of self-awareness is understanding your own beliefs, because those beliefs affect the way you operate in the world. Understanding those can really give you some key insights into why you react a certain way, why you make certain decisions.

I also wanted to get into: okay, let's say we've uncovered a negative belief, a belief we don't want. What then? What can we actually do about it? So I wanted to give some practical tips and also some thought exercises that can help you see those beliefs in a different way.

A Belief Isn't Good or Bad, It Once Served You

But before we get started, I don't want to frame it as good belief, bad belief. I don't want you thinking, oh, I have these really bad negative beliefs that are just holding up my entire life and I don't know what to do. It's easy to feel that way when you feel held back by yourself and you don't know why.

But I want you to think of it in this way: the only reason that belief is there is because at some point in your life your mind decided it was necessary, it was needed. For example, let's say when you were a kid your parents used to shout at you whenever you spoke up, whenever you talked back, a very common thing.

When you're in that situation, the mind is trying to understand what's going on, it's its job to understand the world so you can operate effectively in it. So what it does is: you're getting shouted at because you spoke up, and your mind says, okay, if I speak up, if I do this thing, the result is I get shouted at, the result is pain. So I'm certain that if I speak up then this happens, and it happens over a lot of time. You don't develop a belief over one instance, maybe it takes a few times you speak up and your parents shout back.

So the mind, to protect you from pain, decides: if speaking up means I get shouted at, what happens if I don't speak up? Solves the issue. I don't speak up, I don't get shouted at, problem solved. That's how the mind works.

So you have to understand that at some point in your life, that belief was actually good for you. It may have saved you from being shouted at more. But what happens when you grow up, get into your teens, become a young adult, and then well into your 30s, 40s, 50s, and that belief is still there because nothing else in your life has contradicted it?

Suddenly a belief that was serving you when you were six, seven, or eight is not going to do the same thing anymore, because life changes. If you don't speak up in your 30s or 40s, don't voice your own opinion, don't stand up for yourself, don't create boundaries, it's going to cause a whole different amount of issues.

Does This Belief Serve Me Right Now?

So the moral of the story is, I don't want you to think of beliefs as good or bad, it's just: does this belief serve me right now? Maybe it does, in which case keep it, that's your right, it's your decision. But if it doesn't, then we can go into: okay, what can I do about it? That belief used to serve me, I can appreciate why it's there, there's no hard feelings, but now it's time to move on.

You've probably heard about affirmations, incantations, these tools to change your beliefs. They're very common and they work, but I'm not going to get into them, because although they're great, firstly they're very self-explanatory so there's not much to talk about, but secondly they don't really help you understand the root of the issue, you're just overriding a belief rather than understanding why it's there.

So let's say you believe you're not worthy of a job or something else, and you just repeat to yourself whenever you can, I'm worthy of this, I'm worthy of this, that's perfectly fine. But from a self-awareness perspective, understanding why you don't feel worthy of it in the first place is a lot more valuable than just putting a plaster on it and convincing yourself you're worthy. We can get into affirmations and incantations in a different episode, because there's a way of doing them that is a lot more effective.

Uncovering a Limiting Belief

For now I want to give you a little thought experiment to help you change your belief system. Like I said, a belief is just a feeling of certainty that if I do this, this will happen. So theoretically, all you have to do to change a belief is to no longer feel certain that if I do this then this will happen, start to question it.

Here's the tool. Firstly, if you're not sure whether you have a limiting belief, go through the different areas of your life, health, career, finances, relationships, and a few more, and rate yourself one to ten. How do you feel you're doing in this? Maybe there's one area of your life you're doing amazing at, and another area you haven't got time for, or think you don't have time for. Uncovering a limiting belief starts with uncovering what you feel limited at.

Then, if there's an area you're clearly not doing amazing at, ask why. Your mind will come up with a lot of excuses, that's the issue with asking why, your mind can go on forever creating excuses for why you haven't done something or why you're not somewhere else. That's possibly a belief there.

But let's say you already have a belief in mind that you feel is getting in your way. Maybe you want a job you really want, and you don't feel worthy of it, you don't feel smart enough, everyone else seems better than you, and whenever you go to apply your mind starts telling you, I don't know about this, maybe you shouldn't do this, they're not going to call back, you're not smart enough for this. When we talk about it, it's funny, oh wow, that's what my mind does. When you're in the situation, it's not so funny.

Understand that something is being triggered by a certain situation. So the best way to realize if you have a belief in the way is to put yourself in new situations until you feel some resistance, some hesitation. You can apply this to whatever area of your life you want to work on, and do something in that area you haven't done before, then sit back and see if something comes up. Maybe it's really easy, maybe there's a slight hesitation but you push through, or maybe something so big comes up that you just can't do it, you get paralyzed. That's a good way of uncovering a belief.

Write It Down, Then Ask: Is It True?

When you find that belief, simply ask it why. But first ask, is it true, which we went over in the last episode. Is it really true that I'm not smart enough for this job? On the page it says the qualifications are this, I have all those qualifications, so why don't I feel smart enough? Your mind will again come up with excuses, and write all of these down, the first thought that comes up when you're in that situation, because when it's in your head it feels very overwhelming and it can paralyze you.

When you write it down, the act of writing slows you down. Same with speaking about it. The art of writing or talking about it literally slows down your mind, and you start to look at things more objectively rather than emotionally. If you do it in your head, the thoughts ramp up and ramp up, and suddenly you start feeling anxious or frustrated or scared, and as soon as that feeling comes up you close up, and you're no longer able to solve anything from that state.

So write it down, and then ask: is it true? Your mind might say, yes, obviously it's true, otherwise it wouldn't be a belief. Then say, okay, why is it true? It's a really simple exercise, and when I'm saying it out loud it feels really simple, but simply questioning things we've already assumed is really powerful, and it starts to make you wonder, what else have I assumed in my life that I can't do? What else have I assumed that I'm not good enough for?

Finding the Loopholes

When you actually lay it out, why aren't I good enough for this, why aren't I smart enough, try to find loopholes, plot holes. If it says, I'm not smart enough for this, but actually the qualifications I need are these and I have them, what other reason is there for me not feeling worthy of this? Do that with every thought, just ask why and why, and your mind will end up going in a circle. It'll say, I'm not worthy because of this, and you'll ask, but why aren't I smart enough, and it says, because you're not. That's it.

That's when you know you've hit something, there's no actual logical reason there, it's just, I don't feel smart enough. It's not, you did this when you were ten and therefore you're not smart enough, and even if that's the case it's based on one or two data points from completely different situations. So when your mind starts going in circles, saying random stuff that doesn't make sense, okay, there's something there, maybe it's not as bulletproof as it looks from the surface.

So what then, what can you do? Look for areas or times in your life, using the same example, where you did feel smart enough, good enough, worthy, whatever the belief is. That opens the door. You have to reinforce it, and that's where affirmations and incantations come in, along with taking action. But at least it opens the door to the possibility. Maybe when I was 18 I did this and felt really smart, or my last job I got a really good recommendation that made me feel pretty smart. Maybe it's not as bulletproof as you think.

Then you can reinforce it. The thoughts are one thing, but they're kind of a top-layer thing, because it's not really the thoughts that stop you, it's the feeling that comes with the thoughts. Then just remember it, write it down and put it somewhere, put down the facts of why you are smart enough or worthy, whatever the situation is. Whenever that thought comes up, you have to have the awareness to recognize it, be more alert before you go into a situation where it's going to get triggered. Whenever you apply for the interview or go into the interview, something might come up, so have that trigger in mind to be a little more aware, because there could be some resistance there. Then reinforce what you want to believe based on fact.

Act Like the Person You Want to Become

If you can't find any example in your life of something that made you feel smart or worthy, the next thing you can do is start acting like the person that is smart. If your belief is that you're not worthy, not smart, ask yourself, okay, fine, I'll submit, I'm not worthy, I'm not smart. What does a worthy person look like? What does a smart person look like? What do they do every day? Why are they smart? What makes them smart?

Your mind will be quite okay with this. A smart person can do this, and this, and this. Find something out of that list of things your mind defines as what a smart person would do, make a list, and do one of them, or start small, do a piece of one of them. Just build it up slowly. Obviously you can't do the most difficult thing straight away, because it's not how you identify with yourself, it's not what you think is you. Just choose one thing on that list that seems possible. Maybe a smart person wears a suit, okay, maybe I should buy a suit. Maybe a smart person can do this specific thing. Just open yourself up to being that person, because that's how your mind has already defined being smart.

If you start doing those things, even one thing, your mind can't really say no anymore, it can't say you're still not smart enough, because it already told you what it feels a smart person does or is or speaks like. As you start working through those uncomfortable actions, and it will be uncomfortable, you build momentum, and you start to tick things off that list. You're turning into that person, and one day you'll look in the mirror and think, actually, I am smart. It won't be a convincing smart, it won't be fake, it'll be, actually, yeah, I am.

You can mix all these tools: taking action to help you get there, reframing to uncover whether something is actually fact, finding areas of your life where you've acted that way in the past, and then reinforcing with affirmations and incantations.

The Fastest Way to Change Is to Accept It

But more importantly, make peace with it. Make peace with the belief you want to change. The fastest way to change something is to first accept it. Not accept that you're not smart or not worthy, but accept that you have a belief saying that, and that doesn't mean it's true. You can decide that for yourself. But the fastest way to move on is to accept what it is, then you can move on without getting held back, without resisting it, without pushing it down or feeling sorry for yourself.

If you can reframe the belief as something that was there to serve you, because it was, then whenever you try to change or reinforce something new, it's not going to kick back as much, because you're accepting it, you're recognizing it, and you're also saying, I want something new now, I want to feel a different way, I want to think of myself differently.

So use all these tools, but the fastest way to change anything is to accept it. Whenever we try to push something down we resist it, and it just comes back up stronger, and I'm sure you've experienced that in your own life. So frame it in a way where it's not a big deal, it's a good thing, or a neutral thing. I'll go more into reframing in a different episode, but it's a huge tool, being able to reframe the bad things that happen in your life. It can set you up for success in so many ways, because suddenly everything that happens to you is happening for a reason, and it's happening to make you stronger.

So try out these tools, see how you get on. If there's anything you want to ask, feel free to reach out or leave a comment, or if there's anything else you want to hear more about, I'm always open. But more importantly, I'd very much like to know if these tools are helping.