Ep.17: Achieving without sacrificing the Present Moment

Episode Transcript

Welcome back to the Wisdom Practice Podcast. If you're someone on a personal development journey, a self-awareness journey, any type of growth, you'll know the expectation we put on ourselves can be quite heavy, the desire to be somewhere, the desire to make it. It can cause a lot of suffering, because we're always comparing ourselves to our perfect self, and sometimes it causes so much stress in the present moment that we forget why we're doing it.

If you've ever felt like that, we're going to delve into how you can strike the balance between honoring the present moment, because that's where everything is, and not sacrificing where you want to go, what you want to do with your life. Finding this balance between being and doing, and not suffering along the way because of all the stress we put ourselves under.

You Thought You'd Be Further Ahead by Now

There may be a part of you that honestly thought you'd be further ahead by now in whatever you're striving for, making more money, getting into the perfect relationship, getting the house, the career. There may be a strong part of you that's disappointed, confused, or just honestly thought you'd be further ahead.

I think that's something we all struggle with, this constant comparison and expectation of ourselves to be somewhere, to make it. I've spoken in a previous episode about how, from a very young age, we're conditioned to look to the next thing, to try and be somewhere we're not. So it's completely natural, it's just the way we're taught. If you're feeling that way, I understand, and it can be so hard to let go of, because it may not just be "I want to make a billion pounds" or chase the status quo of success. It may just be your personal growth, your self-awareness journey. It may be, I really thought I'd be further ahead by now, I really thought I wouldn't be reacting to the same thing, I really thought I'd be more aware of why I do certain things, more in control of my mind.

So it doesn't have to be the norm of success, we can apply it to anything we really want. And that's what makes that expectation so dangerous, because there's always something we want. When we're always so focused on it, even if you visualize it and try to manifest it, a common mistake people make is that the more they focus on what they want, the less they want to be where they are. Then you have this inherent resistance to the only thing that's true, which is where you are.

Where You Are Is the Only Thing That's True

What's in front of you right now is the only thing that's true. The past is all made up in the present, and so is the future. I think someone who's dedicated to personal growth, and I get the feeling a lot of people listening are on that journey, this is the toughest thing, because they're always comparing themselves to where they feel they should be.

All suffering is created from expectation. That doesn't sound right, I know, but think about it, even something as small as getting irritated that you missed the train is only because you expected to make it.

The Delicate Balance

Many of you may be trying to find the delicate balance of really giving your goal everything you have, your passion, your excitement, your energy, while also trying to honor where you are. It's a delicate balance, because sometimes the more we focus on where we are, the more it feels like we're abandoning our future. And the more we focus on where we want to go, the more painful it gets, because we're not there yet. So it goes round and round. What do you do with it?

If you're feeling this way, you probably have a really clear picture of your dream, your goal, where you want to be. Maybe you visualize it every day and it's amazing, and you're just waiting for it to start, waiting for your life to start. When something doesn't go the way you want, maybe you're looking for your dream house and you finally feel like you found it, and maybe it's out of your budget, or someone else grabbed it first, anything that makes that dream feel too far away can be really painful, because now you're comparing yourself, expecting, wanting something at the expense of where you are.

The Little Voice That Says You're Abandoning Your Future

Maybe you've realized that, and you go to the other side, you spend more time in the present moment, try to honor it, take things slowly, stop worrying about the future, do things you enjoy. And then there's a little voice in your head that says, well, you're not focusing on your dream, what are you going to do, you're not working as much.

I think there's a societal norm that says if we're not stressing about our problems, not trying to fix them, we're not going to get there, because stress is such a natural part of our life in society, we're always stressed. Part of us kind of likes it, because we feel like we're trying to fix it, problem-solving, even though it may be like a treadmill that's not really taking us anywhere. But some part of us likes the idea that we're really working on it, and being stressed feels like working on it. So when you try to honor the present moment and stop doing that, you get this little voice again, what are you doing, you're abandoning your future.

So there's a balance to strike: how do you work and honor what you want to create, put in the work to make sure it happens, but also honor where you are? I think a lot of us have such high expectations of ourselves that we forget about the growth we've already gone through. It always feels like we're stagnant, unless we make a huge stride, we can easily lose sight of the small changes, the small progress we've made. And by small, I don't mean insignificant, I just mean small because we're not looking at it. When in truth, it could be more important than reaching your goal.

Enjoying the Process

I feel the way to get where you want to go and still honor the moment is to enjoy what you're doing. Many of us need to shift our perspective on what success actually looks like. Everything we want in life, the success, the fame, whatever it is, isn't for the sake of those things. You don't want success for the sake of success. You want it because of how it will make you feel, how you think it will make you feel. You want money because it will make you feel free. You want fame because it will make you feel important.

Enjoying the process means trying to find those emotions in the present moment, trying to find them in the means, trying to find a way to feel free on your journey to freedom, because that's the true recognition that what you want isn't the physical manifestation, it's the way it makes you feel. Even though you may not have a billion pounds, the truth is you've felt free before without a billion pounds. You've felt important before without paparazzi taking photos of you. I use these as crude examples, but what makes us human is how we feel.

You Don't Want the Money, You Want to Feel Capable

That's a big realization, oh, I don't actually want the physical money. Even applying it to self-development, I always say, I don't want a million pounds, I want to be the person who can make a million pounds, because it will make me feel capable. My goal isn't the money, my goal isn't even the freedom, my goal is to feel capable. And truth be told, we've all felt that way before without necessarily having the outcome.

That's the key to manifestation, by the way, feeling that way without needing the outcome, recognizing that vibration precedes manifestation. When you can enjoy the process, not only are you more present, because you're enjoying what you're doing and what you're doing is in the present moment, but you're no longer stressed about the outcome. Yes, it would be great if it comes, but the process itself is so enjoyable that, truth be told, you don't really need the outcome. That's the key.

I know it's easier said than done, because there are some things in our work, in our journey, that we don't enjoy. Even in building a business, there are parts of it, I've spoken to so many people who really want to build a business but hate tech, and in their heads, tech is a huge part of building a business. So that's a question for you to find the answer to: if you're looking for freedom, is there a way you can bring that emotion into the process? Maybe it's working from a different location where you feel expansive and free, looking at the sunset, something like that.

If you can find a way to do that in your own life, in your own goal, because I've experienced this, you work so hard in front of a screen for days and days to make something, to make some money, and we get so focused on the means to an end that we don't truly enjoy the process, we lose touch with why we want the outcome. If you wanted freedom, it's ironic, because your journey to freedom has left you locked in a room in front of a screen.

So if you can align yourself with the truth, that you want the emotion behind the manifestation, not the manifestation itself, try to find experiences or memories or times where you've felt that way, and bring that into your process. If you can't, find a balance between working and doing the things that make you feel that way, because that's how your future self will feel, and your goal will come to you a lot faster when you're in alignment with the version of you that has that goal.

Where the Real Change Comes

When you learn to enjoy the present moment and the process, and honor and accept where you are, that's where the real change comes, because the expectation, of being somewhere, of having something, fades away. When you're doing something that makes you feel amazing, it could be anything, something you just love doing for the sake of doing it, a hobby, dancing, painting, anything, are you really thinking about your goals when you're doing that thing?

How would it feel to know that what you're doing will probably get you where you want to go, because you planned it and took that forethought, and you know these actions will lead to that result, but you don't need the result because the actions themselves are so fulfilling? Sounds like a pretty good way of being, if you ask me. Losing yourself in the moment because you've made it that enjoyable, and then being surprised when the manifestation comes because you didn't need it, those are the mystical moments that make life even better.

So think about it: is there a way I can find what I'm looking for in the process?