Ep.16: When Realisation doesn't create Transformation - Part 1

Episode Transcript

Welcome back to the Wisdom Practice podcast. If you've ever had a realization about yourself, finally connected the dots, realized why you experience a certain pattern or trigger, you get really excited, because you're discovering something new about yourself and you finally have more power to change your life.

But then maybe a week goes by, two weeks, a month, a year, and you don't feel like you've changed. Even though you have the knowledge, the realization, nothing's changed. It's easy to get frustrated in that, to doubt your ability in the first place. If you've experienced that, we're going to delve into it in this episode and explore what you can do, and also why it might be happening in the first place.

I want to apologize in advance, I managed to use the wrong mic on this episode, so a bit of it is spotty, but I've done the best I can to fix it. I'm also going to split this episode into two, because it's a topic I could talk about for a long time and I want to make sure I cover everything. This first half we'll go into what causes it and a way of thinking about it that could help you feel less stressed about it, and in the next half we'll go into more practical details on what you can do.

When Was the Last Time You Had a Massive Breakthrough?

You finally realized something about yourself, connected the dots, had some realization of your patterns, the way you do things, the way you react, and it's amazing. It's one of the best things about being on this journey and discovering more about yourself, when you realize, oh wow, I didn't know I reacted that way, I wonder why that is.

It's a very interesting thing, because you get to be curious about yourself, and that curiosity will drive you so far, because you'll want to learn more about yourself. You'll understand there's more to you than meets the eye. So think about the last breakthrough you had, anything that made you think about yourself in a different way, or made you connect the dots, and ask yourself a question.

Did Realizing That About Yourself Transform That Area of Your Life?

I do believe some realizations, in their core, are so powerful that they can just change your life. You don't have to turn it into a habit, you don't have to make a practice out of it, you don't have to journal, you don't have to do any of that, it just changes the way you view yourself in the world. But I don't think we're always that lucky.

Some realizations definitely have the power to change your life, but maybe you've experienced this: you had a realization, and in the moment it felt so profound, so amazing, you finally figured something out and felt like you were progressing, and then nothing changed. Maybe you even forget about the realization and go back to the old way of living, and maybe it creeps back in every now and then, this aha moment, this jolt of inspiration, this jolt of movement, but again, it doesn't transform your life, even though in the moment it seemed like such a profound idea. It can be really frustrating when we know what we need to do but still nothing changes, and we're not really sure why.

It's not for lack of willpower, it's not for lack of discipline, it's just something blocking it. Sometimes being self-aware can make it so much harder, because you're acutely aware of what's going on, of the patterns or reactions you're going through, and yet you feel powerless to stop it. It creates so much frustration, because it's like you're watching yourself make the same mistake, quote unquote.

If you've experienced anything like that, some breakthrough in the moment that felt like it would change your life, and then life gets in the way, something doesn't happen, other stuff becomes more urgent, and next thing you know you're three months down the line, and maybe that realization is still there, maybe you kind of know what you have to do, or maybe you forget, either way, your life hasn't transformed the way you thought it would. And it's not for lack of knowledge, not for lack of awareness, not even for lack of trying. There's just something there.

Sometimes it's not about how much you know, or how aware you are, or how planned out you've made things, sometimes it's just a block. And the more expectation you have of yourself, because you're a certain way, because you're self-aware, because you're organized, the more expectation you put on yourself to fix it, and sometimes the worse it gets, because you're so conscious of the gap between where you are and where you want to be. You even know why, you know, okay, this pattern is from this, and these are the memories that put this belief up.

All the Furniture in Your House Has Moved

My friend used to say something I thought was quite funny: when you have a realization, it's like all the furniture in your house has moved, has rearranged, and you walk in and everything feels new, everything feels fresh, everything's in a new spot. It can be really fun and exciting for a while, but the more you look at it, the more you realize, well, it's still the same house.

Another way to put it: when you get a new car, or even a new phone, for the first week, even the first month, it feels amazing, and you're extra careful with it. Then suddenly something happens and some part of you just becomes used to it, you start throwing the phone around (not the car), and it's just something you have now.

It can be the same with realizations. Either you get so used to it that you forget how profound it is, and you start thinking, yeah, I know that, it's not going to help me anymore, even though in the moment it felt life-changing. Or you're acutely aware of it every time, but you still feel powerless to stop it.

Habit Energy

The reason is something the Buddhists call habit energy, the inertia you build up from going in a certain direction for so long, so much momentum that even if you see something new, see something from a new perspective, and realize something, you're still going in the same direction until you physically change it.

It's like being on a train, and out the window you can see somewhere you really, really want to go. You keep looking at it, and a week goes by, a month goes by, and nothing's changing, all that's happening is you're moving further and further away, because you have that inertia. You have to be the one to say, actually, stop the train, I want to go out and see that.

I think that's the main thing. We've been told that when we have that realization, our life's going to change, this is it, this is the moment I've been waiting for, everything is going to align now. And it can feel so amazing in the moment, which then leads to even more disappointment when it doesn't happen, and even more confusion, was that a lie, did I mistake it for something it wasn't? And we go into these cycles of disappointment. But it's not your fault. You've been moving in one direction for so long that maybe you've forgotten where the brakes are, or where the steering wheel is. It's just hard to move, because your body is in these patterns.

When You Have a Really Solid Routine

It can be even worse when you have a really solid routine that you stick to. I know what you're thinking, everyone says you have to have a solid routine, do the same things every day, be consistent, be disciplined, to get where you want to go. That's not what I mean, having a workout routine, a morning routine, an evening routine is amazing, and it's a really important part of your sanity in a way.

What I mean is, if you spend every day doing the same things, which is really common for people who work a nine-to-five job, because they're forced to get up at a certain time, get to work at a certain time, see the same people, do the same things, have lunch at the same time, go home at the same time, and you do that consistently for 70 percent of your waking hours, if not more, your body gets into this rhythm and inertia, because it knows what to expect.

Your Brain Loves to Be Efficient

One thing I'm always saying is your brain loves to be efficient. So when it realizes you're doing the same things over and over and you've mastered those actions, it doesn't need to be conscious for that part of the time, because your body already knows what to do, your brain can focus on other things. It's like tying your shoelace for the first time: you're there for 20 minutes trying to figure out what goes where. But by the hundredth, thousandth time, you can have a phone call while doing it, eat while doing it, think of something else while doing it. Your brain delegates it.

It's the same with any routine. When you're in that routine for so long, your body is so used to it, and that inertia makes stopping really tough, because your body just does it. You get to a point where, at work, you had lunch every single day at 1pm, and suddenly even when you're not at work, your body gets hungry at 1pm.