Ep.12: Decoding Challenges: A Mindset Shift for Effective Problem-Solving

Episode Transcript

Have you ever gone back to an old school?

Welcome back to the Wisdom Practice Podcast. If you've ever wondered whether how you deal with problems is the right way, or the best way, or the most efficient way, then this episode is going to really help you. We dive into a thought experiment with a few practical techniques you can apply to your current problems, but mainly to get you thinking about how people deal with their problems, why some problems are a lot more stressful for us than others, and why, especially in retrospect, problems seem so much smaller. We can draw from this to be a bit wiser with how we deal with our challenges at the moment, and to be more aware of how we're maybe habitually reacting from old emotional and thought patterns. I hope you find this extremely helpful, let's get into it.

Have you ever gone back to an old school and for some reason it feels so much smaller? It might be something you've heard, or someone you know has experienced it — I'm not sure if it's the same with an old house, but I know it is with old schools. Yes, it may feel smaller because when you were there you were shorter, smaller, but even if that isn't the case — even if it was a university, for example, and you go back after five or ten years — everything just feels smaller. Have you ever wondered why that happens? It's quite interesting.

The reason everything feels smaller isn't because we're bigger physically, it's because we've grown — mentally, emotionally, our world has expanded, our sense of self has expanded. Think about it: when you're in school, the biggest thing you have to worry about, your biggest nightmare, the thing you're most terrified of, is the exam. That's the biggest deal in your life, the make-it-or-break-it part of your life at that time, and you get so stressed over it, so worried, you revise like crazy.

Then maybe five or six years later — or if you're a parent, you may have experienced this — your kid is going through their exams and really freaking out about it, and you're thinking, what's the big deal, it's just an exam. You're nowhere near the level of fear they're feeling, which is funny because when you were their age you reacted the exact same way. The only difference between them and you, in this example, is time — and in that time you've increased your perception of reality. Your world is bigger, your world no longer is eighty or ninety percent school.

Simply by increasing our perception, our problems get smaller

So simply by increasing our self-perception, our perception of the world, our problems get smaller. That's really interesting. If you visit your old school and think it's so much smaller, it's because you've grown as a person — you're no longer at that level of life where those things were so huge to you emotionally, you're no longer reacting to the same things, it no longer feels tangible.

I don't even think it's just the time difference, the ten years that have passed. I think the main reason everything feels smaller is because you are a different person, looking through different eyes. You're no longer reacting emotionally, it doesn't have as much grip over you, because you know yourself to be bigger than that reality. But when you're in school and the test is coming up and you're freaking out, it's because you haven't got the perspective to know that this test isn't actually a big deal — you haven't lived enough to know there's more to life than this. So your entire reality is engulfed by this problem. The problem is the same, but your interpretation of it is different.

Here's a weird example: imagine you have to go back to school to finish an exam you didn't get a good grade in, and it's ten or twenty years later. Do you think you'd be panicking about that exam as much as the kids about to take it for the first time right now? I'd say no, because since then you've had twenty years of life, of growing up, of seeing different perspectives and developing your sense of self. A test doesn't seem like a big deal at all to you, but to them it's the world, because it's all they know.

So where am I going with this? My point is: don't treat a problem as fact, as this immutable thing, because your perception of the problem completely defines how you emotionally react to it, and therefore what state you get into when you're trying to deal with it. And we already know your state, your emotion, affects what actions you take. The actions you take when you're hopeful are very different from the actions you're willing to take, or even aware of, when you're in a state of fear — and those obviously affect your outcomes. So your perception is really important.

What if you could see the problem through the eyes of your future self?

So bear with me on this. What if we could see a problem through the lens of the person ten years from now — the version of ourselves ten years from now? What if we have a problem and we view it as our adult self looking back at our younger self taking a test? How does that thought change the emotions you have about a problem? How does that change your perspective of it?

I'm not saying that's easy. The reason we emotionally react to our problems is because we think they're justified — we think it's going to affect our life in such a big way, it's going to change what we know, it's going to ruin something. But remember, you thought the exact same thing when you were younger taking that test. And now, even if you completely bombed that test, and it's ten, twenty, thirty years later and you're looking back — do you still worry about it? You probably didn't even think about it until I mentioned it.

So given this, how does that change your reaction to a problem you're facing now? Your mind might say, yeah, but if I can't pay my rent, I'm going to lose my house, or I'm going to lose my relationship, or they're going to take my car. In the moment, these things feel so big, so life-changing, like they're going to affect our sense of self. But imagine yourself twenty years from now — are you still thinking about this problem? Is it still that big a deal? And if it is, if it's something genuinely life-changing, is it going to help you to worry about it, or can you create a plan that makes sure you get the outcome you want, or at least do as much as you can?

So simply by growing as a person, our problems become smaller, because they're not the problems of our current self, they're the problems of our old self. For you to grow means you're no longer emotionally reacting to the things you used to react to. That's what growing means.

How do you normally go about solving a problem?

So when you have a problem, what do you do? How do you normally go about solving it? Pick anything from your past and ask yourself, how did I solve this? I don't mean what tactic or strategy you used, because that might not apply to problems you have now or in the future. I mean, what stages did you go through before solving it? Was it a matter of sitting down for an hour and figuring it out, done? Or did you sit down for an hour or two, get really frustrated and angry and annoyed, butt heads with it, and then figure it out? Or did you just ignore it for a week and then panic about it when it became urgent?

It's important to understand how we deal with these things, because by being conscious of it we can then choose to change it. See if you can find a way — and this isn't a practice or a technique, it's more of a thought experiment — to change your perspective on it, to come from the place of someone who's already dealt with it, someone who's already grown out of the problem.

Imagine you could get into a time machine, go ten years into the future, and bring back that version of yourself to deal with your problem. Do you think that person would deal with it differently, or view it differently, or react differently? And if so, why? Is it because they've just lived more and therefore have more resources, or are more resourceful, or more confident in their ability to solve the problem? Because the perception you have of a problem depends on your view of your competence, your ability to solve it.

You may have developed a skill really well, and when a problem comes up that skill can fix, you don't worry about it at all — you know inherently you can fix it without batting an eye. But imagine if you'd had that problem when you were just learning the skill — would you have reacted the same way? This is a thought experiment because you can't just gain twenty years of experience in one day. I'm trying to get you to reframe the problem so it's no longer taking up your entire vision, your entire perception. I'm asking you to step back from it — rather than it being centimeters from your face and taking up your entire vision, you're maybe two or three meters away from it, and suddenly it looks a lot smaller, just like your school did.

The more we identify with our problems, the bigger they are

And this leads to a really good point: the more we identify with our problems, the bigger they are. When you go back to your school and it feels so much smaller, it's because you're quite distant from the person you used to be when you were there — you no longer react emotionally to the same things. That's the growth I was talking about; your sense of self is bigger.

So what's your solution to a problem? Rather than sitting down trying to figure it out in a stressful, frustrating manner, ask: how can I become bigger than this problem? What do I have to do to reduce my perception of it, to make it look smaller?

There are two ways of doing that. You can reframe it so it's not as big a deal in your head — but it has to be true to you. If you're about to lose your house, you can't just sit in the corner saying it doesn't really matter — that's denial, and it has to be true. Or you can become bigger than it — find a way to increase your competence around the problem, or your confidence that you can deal with it, or reduce your identification with the problem.

To put that into an analogy: increasing your competence or confidence in dealing with the problem is like you becoming bigger, quite literally, and suddenly the rock that was in your way is a little smaller because you're bigger. Reframing the problem is like trying to make the rock smaller so you can step over it. But reducing your identification with the problem is like you stepping away from it — and suddenly it's smaller, not because it's physically smaller, but because you're further away from it.

Wisdom versus intelligence

And this is where wisdom comes in, because wisdom gives you a broader perspective on what's happening. When you're up against a problem and it's taking up your entire visual frame, it's very hard to know what's going on. You can't see your way around it, you can't even relax because it's right up in your face. This is what most people do with a problem — it envelops their entire focus, their entire mind, and all they can think about is how do I fix this, what's going to happen if I don't fix this. In other words, you're very identified with the problem and its effect.

We try to use our intelligence to deal with the problem. Intelligence is very good at finding a singular problem and trying to fix it in a creative or resourceful way — that's trying to reframe it, or increase our competence or confidence around it, the single-pointed focus. But that's different from wisdom, from taking a step back from the problem, reducing our identification with it.

When you take a step back, suddenly the brick wall, the rock that was right in your face and looked huge because you couldn't see anything else, and caused those emotional reactions because it seemed so urgent, so immediate, so tangible — when you take a step back you can see around the rock, you can see the light behind it, you can see ways around it. You can't see those things when you're up against it, and that's how most people deal with their problems.

I completely understand, because when a problem feels like it's going to affect your life in such a big way, no one in their right mind wants to take a step back, because you have to fix it — otherwise you're ignoring your life. But taking a step back isn't about ignoring the problem or not recognizing it as a challenge. It's taking a different approach to fixing it — indirectly fixing it rather than chiseling away at it and hoping you get through, trying to find a way around. By doing that, the emotional reaction goes down, because it's not so immediate, not so urgent.

Seeing more ways around a problem

So let's say you went back to school and had a challenge there, or a test to do. Because you now have a broader perspective and you're not as identified with the problem, or the problem isn't as powerful in your head, you can use the analogy of taking a test in school, or dealing with a small problem in your current life that you're not really concerned about. Because you're not emotionally reacting to it, you're less identified with it — you're taking a step back, which means you can see more ways around it, and you can be more creative because that stress isn't there.

Same thing if you're trying to help a friend with their problem. Because it's not you in that situation, you can see a lot more ways around it than they can, because they're right up against it — in their heads, the emotion is clouding their judgment because it feels so urgent. But you, because you're not in that situation, are a few steps back, so you can see more ways around it.

So then, if you want to go down the wisdom route, how do you reduce your identification with the problem? A good way is putting it into perspective — understanding, is this problem really going to affect me in ten years' time, or how would the version of me in ten years react to this? That's something to think about, and you'll find your own answers and your own way of dealing with it.

The purpose of this episode was to get you thinking in a different way, to get you thinking about problems you've already faced and to bring more awareness to how you deal with them — because you may be dealing with problems habitually rather than drawing from your experience and becoming better, more efficient, more effective and more conscious over time. Thank you.